Independence...what a day...what a day....
independence
n 1: freedom from control or influence of another or others.
the first wave....
This year's INDEPENDENCE DAY WEEKEND has been profusely liberating to say the least.
As emotionally raw as I feel right now,
(in the red..is what I like to call that feeling btw)
I feel extremely proud, happy, inspired and optimistic after the last two days events. Saturday July 1st was a wonderful way to start this month, and my goal is to take that days energy, momentum, and spirit into the rest of this months days. I spent this day (as well as the day before) in Chicago. I was there to facilitate Brave Soul Collective's first official workshop, Brave Souls Ain't Down Low: Living In Truth In The Age of AIDS.
Although the days events got off to a bit of a late start, it was nothing short of spectacular.
The organizers & volunteers with Windy City Black Pride were extremely warm, supportive and welcoming to us as we arrived, not really knowing what to expect. What I felt as the day continued was the warmth of bein HOME.
Chicago (and surrounding areas) IS actually home to me in a sense because I'm orginally from Racine, Wisconsin which is only about 45 mins from Chicago. I moved away from this area long before coming to terms DIRECTLY with my sexuality 10 years or so ago, and have lived primarily on the east coast/DC area for that 'OUT' time period of my life..
The important thing to point out however is that I had no idea how tightly knit the Chicago black gay community was prior to my arrival this weekend. Although I had heard mention of this from a friend, there is a difference in being told sumthin versus being SHOWN sumthin. By the time we started our workshop, I knew that I was in the midst of something special. This is not to blindly suggest that folx in this area are not w/o drama, mess, pretense, etc (as I know that tends to exist everywhere in one way or another). What I am saying is that in less than 48 hours during the Windy City Black Pride Weekend, I felt more at home and supported, understood, and accepted than I have ever felt anywhere else that I have worked or lived in the past ten years. From the support of the organizers & volunteers of WCBP, on down to simple 'by chance' meetings with people who happened to just be there, like brotha Keith (who graciously gave Brave Soul Collective a great push and plug at the Poetry Slam), I know that the people who I met and worked, laughed, cried, thought with this weekend are sacred BRAVE SOULS indeed.
Chicago gave Brave Soul Collective an ABUNDANCE of love and support and we will MOST DEFINITELY BE BACK VERY SOON. Brave Soul Collective has a second-satellite kinda home in CHITOWN, and I can't wait to get back there.
second wave
Upon leaving Chicago yesterday, I traveled back up the road 45 mins or so north..back to the place where I was born and raised, Kenosha Wisconsin, where my father awaited me. From the very beginning when I planned this entire trip I knew that there would be some highs, lows, and inbetweens. I battled with and sought to correct and remind myself that what I was coming 'home' to do here in Racine/Kenosha was not at all a 'low' but a chapter that I needed to quickly finish, and close, in order to move forward. Making the decision to disclose my HIV status to my father and introduce him to the new addition to my life/story that is Brave Soul Collective, was one thing. Actually DOING it yesterday/last nite was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. It is now done, and I can indeed say I am relieved. That is not to say that I'm happy per se. There is something about having to deliver news to those you love--news that ultimately you've grown to accept and love--but that they may not be able to view the same way you do, that jus puzzles the fuck out of me. I guess the one thing that I have to remember is that just as it may have taken ME time to adjust and ultimately meet acceptance head on....so will it take these said family members even more time to do so. It's that which I remind myself of now, one day after I've had this talk with my father, who to my surprise, took the news much better than I anticipated. I worried that this news would drive him into some kind of self inflicted turmoil (again) like my announcement of my homosexuality had done some 9-10 years prior. I guess the thing that I forgot is that just like I had grown and evolved over the last 10 years, so had he. For that, I am truly grateful- & not so much for my own satisfaction/relief, but moreso for his own good. The one thing I kept telling myself in the months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and finally-deep breaths before this talk took place was that I could not, would not, and should not feel ashamed about my news, my condition or my announcement of such. I was just making sure that he (as my mother 10 months ago had been) was completely informed and in the know about certain important things regarding my life, well being, and ultimately, my HAPPINESS.
One of the great things/surprises that would follow after my disclosure to him and announcement about Brave Soul Collective was his level of support, and optimism about the creation and activities of the organization.
I think in my fear and hesitance, I underestimated my father. I pray that my disclosure and discussion with him will continue to deepen and strengthen the bond we already have, which I can honestly say I cherish and am grateful for.
I realize that some people don't get any kind of support or encouragement from their blood relatives in cases like this, which is also another reason why I feel like Brave Soul Collective is a haven for all of us to be loved, supported and encouraged to LIVE and enjoy LIFE.
I feel better now, than I did when I began this blog entry and I think it's because as usual, I just needed to REMIND myself of all that I have to be greateful for, and for all the blessings that continue to show up to remind me that LOVE really is the ONLY THING I OWN, and I can take that with me WHEREVER I GO.
As I wrap this entry up, I leave to go get dressed to see one of my inspirations, heroes, and angels in her element 2nite: Mary J Blige.
The third wave will most likely come after the Breakthrough I Experience tonite....
n 1: freedom from control or influence of another or others.
the first wave....
This year's INDEPENDENCE DAY WEEKEND has been profusely liberating to say the least.
As emotionally raw as I feel right now,
(in the red..is what I like to call that feeling btw)
I feel extremely proud, happy, inspired and optimistic after the last two days events. Saturday July 1st was a wonderful way to start this month, and my goal is to take that days energy, momentum, and spirit into the rest of this months days. I spent this day (as well as the day before) in Chicago. I was there to facilitate Brave Soul Collective's first official workshop, Brave Souls Ain't Down Low: Living In Truth In The Age of AIDS.
Although the days events got off to a bit of a late start, it was nothing short of spectacular.
The organizers & volunteers with Windy City Black Pride were extremely warm, supportive and welcoming to us as we arrived, not really knowing what to expect. What I felt as the day continued was the warmth of bein HOME.
Chicago (and surrounding areas) IS actually home to me in a sense because I'm orginally from Racine, Wisconsin which is only about 45 mins from Chicago. I moved away from this area long before coming to terms DIRECTLY with my sexuality 10 years or so ago, and have lived primarily on the east coast/DC area for that 'OUT' time period of my life..
The important thing to point out however is that I had no idea how tightly knit the Chicago black gay community was prior to my arrival this weekend. Although I had heard mention of this from a friend, there is a difference in being told sumthin versus being SHOWN sumthin. By the time we started our workshop, I knew that I was in the midst of something special. This is not to blindly suggest that folx in this area are not w/o drama, mess, pretense, etc (as I know that tends to exist everywhere in one way or another). What I am saying is that in less than 48 hours during the Windy City Black Pride Weekend, I felt more at home and supported, understood, and accepted than I have ever felt anywhere else that I have worked or lived in the past ten years. From the support of the organizers & volunteers of WCBP, on down to simple 'by chance' meetings with people who happened to just be there, like brotha Keith (who graciously gave Brave Soul Collective a great push and plug at the Poetry Slam), I know that the people who I met and worked, laughed, cried, thought with this weekend are sacred BRAVE SOULS indeed.
Chicago gave Brave Soul Collective an ABUNDANCE of love and support and we will MOST DEFINITELY BE BACK VERY SOON. Brave Soul Collective has a second-satellite kinda home in CHITOWN, and I can't wait to get back there.
second wave
Upon leaving Chicago yesterday, I traveled back up the road 45 mins or so north..back to the place where I was born and raised, Kenosha Wisconsin, where my father awaited me. From the very beginning when I planned this entire trip I knew that there would be some highs, lows, and inbetweens. I battled with and sought to correct and remind myself that what I was coming 'home' to do here in Racine/Kenosha was not at all a 'low' but a chapter that I needed to quickly finish, and close, in order to move forward. Making the decision to disclose my HIV status to my father and introduce him to the new addition to my life/story that is Brave Soul Collective, was one thing. Actually DOING it yesterday/last nite was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. It is now done, and I can indeed say I am relieved. That is not to say that I'm happy per se. There is something about having to deliver news to those you love--news that ultimately you've grown to accept and love--but that they may not be able to view the same way you do, that jus puzzles the fuck out of me. I guess the one thing that I have to remember is that just as it may have taken ME time to adjust and ultimately meet acceptance head on....so will it take these said family members even more time to do so. It's that which I remind myself of now, one day after I've had this talk with my father, who to my surprise, took the news much better than I anticipated. I worried that this news would drive him into some kind of self inflicted turmoil (again) like my announcement of my homosexuality had done some 9-10 years prior. I guess the thing that I forgot is that just like I had grown and evolved over the last 10 years, so had he. For that, I am truly grateful- & not so much for my own satisfaction/relief, but moreso for his own good. The one thing I kept telling myself in the months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and finally-deep breaths before this talk took place was that I could not, would not, and should not feel ashamed about my news, my condition or my announcement of such. I was just making sure that he (as my mother 10 months ago had been) was completely informed and in the know about certain important things regarding my life, well being, and ultimately, my HAPPINESS.
One of the great things/surprises that would follow after my disclosure to him and announcement about Brave Soul Collective was his level of support, and optimism about the creation and activities of the organization.
I think in my fear and hesitance, I underestimated my father. I pray that my disclosure and discussion with him will continue to deepen and strengthen the bond we already have, which I can honestly say I cherish and am grateful for.
I realize that some people don't get any kind of support or encouragement from their blood relatives in cases like this, which is also another reason why I feel like Brave Soul Collective is a haven for all of us to be loved, supported and encouraged to LIVE and enjoy LIFE.
I feel better now, than I did when I began this blog entry and I think it's because as usual, I just needed to REMIND myself of all that I have to be greateful for, and for all the blessings that continue to show up to remind me that LOVE really is the ONLY THING I OWN, and I can take that with me WHEREVER I GO.
As I wrap this entry up, I leave to go get dressed to see one of my inspirations, heroes, and angels in her element 2nite: Mary J Blige.
The third wave will most likely come after the Breakthrough I Experience tonite....
posted by Brave*Soul*Kat | 2:46 PM
1 Comments:
congrats, Monte J. I knew things would work out okay. You are terribly right about the community in Chicago. Last night I went to "The Generator" to see more than 3 or 4 brothas with their "Brave Soul collective" T shirts. This might seem odd, but I can't really imagine that in DC, but perhaps that's what we are there to change, right?! We have truly started something incredible. As for the reconnection with your father, knowing that you have a community of people who have your back will give you the courage to do even more... this will manifest more for us all as time unfolds. My decision to pursue arts fully is not unrelated to the support I've found through BSC. Props and prosperity. Enjoy (that brave soul) Mary!
Post a Comment
<< Home